Sunday, June 07, 2009

Cruelty and change


I have always been tough on myself. Achievement-oriented. Focused on doing well in exams and at work. And there have always been times when this has felt pointless and stupid but I've just kept going. Now I am not achieving anything. I am sitting around. Very little that I do is actually bearing fruit. It's a very odd time for me. And for the first time it feels quite cruel to beat myself up over it. Like chastising a child who can't drive for being too short to reach the pedals. I'm taking it easy (for me). And praying that it will all work out. Praying hard! But I will definitely be more comfortable when it's clear what I need to do...

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